


Agape

by cyanidemuffin



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24639382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanidemuffin/pseuds/cyanidemuffin
Summary: Agape is the highest form of love. It's selfless, sacrificial, unconditional and persists no matter the circumstances. (Oneshot collection based on canon-verse)
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke
Comments: 9
Kudos: 19





	1. Adieu

**Author's Note:**

> My main account is on ffnet (Masami Aomame). I only use AO3 as a backup and often take longer to post here.
> 
> Anyway, if you’re reading here, know that I write out of my love for SasuSaku and deliberately share them on free platforms. Enjoy my fics the way you feel comfortable. You don’t OWE me any comments/kudos.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke bids goodbye to his wife and daughter as he leaves on his long mission (Rating: G)

"Come to Mama, Sarada," Sakura invites her daughter into her arms with a bright smile.

Sasuke gently passes the girl to his wife. The moment her tiny form leaves him, making herself comfortable in her mother's embrace, there's a sudden feeling of loss inside his chest.

"Papa?" Sarada turns her small head to her father, blinking her big black eyes. Unsure why he's suddenly refusing to carry her anymore.

"Papa is going away on an important work, Sarada," Sakura explains lovingly.

"Papa… is going away?" she looks back at her father.

Sasuke's throat goes dry, he swallows hard, "Yes… Sarada."

"When will you come back? Sarada wants to play with Papa," she pouts puffing her cheeks.

_When will I come back?_

_I… I don't know Sarada. Maybe by the time I do, you no longer would be eager to play with me._

"Papa will be back as soon as his work is over. So, say goodbye to him properly."

"Goodbye?"

"Yes. Say bye bye Papa, be safe on your journey," Sakura smiles again.

But she'd rather not.

If anything, she wants to be upset just like her daughter and ask him not to leave. Maybe if she requests him to stay, only for today, he'd listen? Would it be too selfish?

_It's not like I'm asking him to stay forever. Just one day. I'm letting him leave me… leave us... for who knows how long. Is it too much to ask for just one more day in return? He can leave tomorrow. Then we'll have another day to spend together. The three of us. Doing something fun, turning it into a memory we can all treasure._

But she knows it won't change a thing.

Even if he does stay today, once they're here tomorrow and he's about to leave, she'll feel like this again. She'd want to ask him to stay again. Even if he stays another day, another week, another month, another year. Because that day will never come when she'll be ready to bid goodbye to him.

But the thing is: she still has to. That's how it has been. Always. By now she has started to lose count of how many times she has stood here at the gate, watching his back as he left. Unable to accompany him. For various reasons.

_One might think that by now I should've gotten used to it. But that never happens. Every time it hurts the same if not more._

"Papa, bye bye. Be safe," Sarada repeats her mother's words with a cheerful smile. Making her chubby cheeks look even chubbier; not comprehending very well what exactly these words imply.

"Bye Sarada. Be a good girl and listen to your Mama. Okay?"

"Sarada is a good girl," she declares happily, unaware of the huge change that is taking place in her life.

"I know," he smiles gently and then taps the baby's forehead with his two fingers, "I'll see you next time, Sarada."

The girl gives a big smile exposing her baby teeth and Sasuke's eyes almost tear up.

"Here," Sakura holds out the lunchbox; neatly wrapped in a fabric decorated with the Uchiha Clan's emblem.

A lunch she prepared especially for him. Who knows when he'll get to taste her cooking again. The flavour of home, of love and warmth.

His heterochromic eyes look into a pair of vivid green ones.

_I know exactly what you're going to do. You'll over-exert yourself to fill the void left by me. You'll take it upon yourself to do all the things that her father… I... am supposed to do for Sarada. Without a single complaint. You'll go through all the hardships of the world for my sake. You've done it before. You'll do it again. And it hurts to see you go such lengths because of me._

_I wish I could stay here, with you and Sarada. I hate making you go through all of it alone._

Sakura tries to come up with something to say. But she can't. Because what she's feeling at the moment aren't words she can voice. No, she is supposed to send him away with a smile. She has to be strong. She has to be brave.

_Why is it like this for us? It always has been. And looks like it always will be. We've spent more time apart than together. Even now, when we belong with each other, it still doesn't change._

_Why is it always us, Sasuke Kun? Why is our time always limited?_

A silent teardrop escapes her eye without her knowledge and rolls down her cheek. Glistening in the morning sun.

Sasuke feels a stabbing pain in his heart. His hand twitches to wipe it away, to console her.

_But what can I even say? What assurance do I offer you now when I'm leaving you behind once again?_

_Do I even have any right to do that?_

_With the powers I wield, this is the only life I can have. I can't run away from my responsibilities. And the hardships they bring along._

_But you could. You could've chosen someone else. Someone who wouldn't have to leave you again and again. Someone with whom it'd have been much easier for you._

_But you didn't._

_Instead, you waited for me, even when you knew very well how difficult that'd make things for you._

_If that doesn't give me the right…_

He lifts his lone hand, gently wiping away the dampness.

 _This_ _warmth, her warmth, who knows when I'd get to feel this on my skin ever again._

His touch breaks the strong resolve that was holding Sakura back and tears start streaming down her face; way beyond control.

_So much for sending him away with a smile._

"Sa-Sasuke Kun… I'm sorry… I-"

_I didn't want to send you away like this. I didn't want to make you feel bad about leaving. But I keep thinking about going back home. Where the three of us spent the last few years, together. And from now on, you won't be with us. Everywhere I'll look, I'll think how you're not there anymore. I'll miss you Sasuke Kun. I'll miss you so terribly. So terribly._

"It's alright."

_You don't have to force a smile when you're feeling like crying. I don't need that. Show me your tears, they'll remind me that you're waiting here, Sarada is waiting here for me. It'd give me strength._

_I made darkness my home when I was far too young. I had shut my eyes for good and refused to see any light. But in the end, I found light once again. But now, once more, I'm on my way to travel the path of darkness_.

_However, this time, even if I have to spend years in the dark, my home is here, with you and Sarada. I will come back to you two no matter how long it takes me._

Sakura sees the agony in his eyes.

_What am I doing? Just how can I be so selfish? I'll be here, surrounded by people I've known throughout my life. I'll wake up every day on our bed, I'll live in the house that is filled with our memories together. I will see Sarada grow up. And to my luck, she resembles you a little too much._

_But you? You won't even have a roof over your head most of the time. Where would you sleep every night? What would you eat? God knows what life you'll be living from now on._

_You lost your family when you were just a kid. You've spent so much time alone even though it was you who taught me the pain of loneliness. And now that you have a family again, you still can't be with us. Isn't this so unfair? Haven't you done enough already?_

_But knowing you, what can I say?_

_You're just like that, sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of this world. Without anyone even knowing. You'll do whatever it takes to secure a better future._

_And as your wife, I take pride in that. So, I'll do everything I can to support you. I'll face every hardship that comes my way. Because compared to you, Sasuke Kun, my sacrifices are_ _nothing_.

"Please be safe," she smiles through her tears.

_That's all I ask. Please remember that we are here, waiting for you to return to us. I know how sacrificing you can be, but unless it's the only way out, please don't throw your life away. Please don't leave us, Sasuke Kun. Please._

"Ah. You too. Take care of yourself and Sarada."

"We'll be alright. We'll be here in the village. Naruto is here, Kakashi Sensei is here, Shishou is here, all of our friends are here. Nothing can happen to us."

_I hope so. I've lost everything once. I can't even bring myself to imagine going through the same pain once again. I never thought I'd be able to love someone like that ever again. I was afraid to risk it all over again. But you made me._

_So, Sakura, please be safe. And take care of Sarada. I know you'll raise her properly. I have faith in you._

He looks at Sarada.

_I won't be here from now on. How many precious moment I'd miss? I won't be here to share your happiness with you. I won't be here to comfort you when you're hurt. I won't be here to take care of you when you fall ill. I won't be here to applaud you for your achievements. I won't be here for so many things…_

_I'm sorry, Sarada._

_I'm sorry, Sakura._

_Always… always…_

"Sasuke Kun," Sakura's voice shakes a little despite all her efforts to stay strong.

Sasuke lifts his hand and taps her forehead, "I'll see you next time."

He brings his lips to gently touch her forehead, then Sarada's.

Warm tears flood her cheeks, Sakura finally gives up on trying to hide them.

Sasuke reaches out his hand and takes the bentou box from her.

"Bye, Papa," Sarada says, a little confused by now.

"Bye, Sarada."

"I'll be back," he looks Sakura in the eye as he utters those words.

_Believe me, Sakura. I will be back. No matter how long it takes. I'll come back to you. I know it's a really cruel thing to ask of you, and especially after how many times you've already done this before. But, Sakura… please wait for me._

"Please come back safe."

_I'll wait for you. I don't care how long it takes. How many weeks, months, years, decades. Even if the pink of my hair turns grey, I'll still wait for you._

_Always_.

The sun shines in the eastern sky, the morning still young. The woman stands at gate of the village, her baby daughter in her arms. The man's dark figure keeps getting farther and farther away from them with every other step he takes.

Both of them vow in silence, _this_ _isn't_ _goodbye._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend made me listen to Stay by Blackpink saying it reminded her of SasuSaku and that led to this one shot.
> 
> Much love,
> 
> June ❤️  
> [16.06 .2019]


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Away from home, Sasuke writes a letter to his wife (Rating: G)

"You don't need to. I was only here to get a few things. I can spend the night-"

"There's no way I can allow that," the man interrupts. A kind smile on his wrinkled face. "I can never repay you for your help last time. Please, be my guest tonight. You look tired. It must have been a while since you last had good food and proper rest."

He remains quiet. Contemplating the elderly man's offer. The idea of imposing upon other people's kindness doesn't sit well with him. Besides, having lost his family at the age of seven, he was compelled to learn to take care of himself without having to trouble others. Having his own family now, a very attentive wife who is always there to take care of his needs, he still prefers to do his works by himself. Sometimes getting scolded by his pink haired wife as she reminds him that he no longer is alone and can rely on her if he has to.

His wife…

Without realising, he sighs.

"Sasuke San?"

The village chief speaks, his greyish eyebrows raising a little.

In the end, Sasuke gives in.

* * *

"Would you be needing anything else, Sasuke San?" the chief's son asks him as he prepares the room.

"Noth-" a thought occurs to him, "Could I have some paper and ink?"

The other man stares at him for a few seconds before replying with a smile. "Of course."

.

.

.

He dips the brush into the dark sumi ink...

_Sakura,_

_You will be glad to know, tonight I had a proper meal and have a proper bed with a roof over my head._

_Do you remember the village I helped dealing with a local gang of bandits shortly after leaving Konoha? I was here today and the chief offered me his hospitality. Of course, I declined at first but he insisted._

Or maybe he was getting tired of being by himself in the middle of undeveloped lands where even the sight of a human being was a rare happening. 

_The chief offered to serve my dinner in the room. But after some consideration, I refused. This isn't an inn. If I'm being someone's guest, it is common courtesy to attend the dinner with everyone in the family. They were all very kind and welcoming. Doing their best to make me feel at home. The food was humble. Steamed rice, grilled fish, tofu miso soup with wakame and spring onions, rolled omelettes and spinach salad. And sharing it with the family, it was a very pleasant experience._

_And_

Seeing the family gathered together around the small table, the smiles of comfort on their faces, it had brought a certain warmth to his heart.

And a feeling of being out of place.

As if a puzzle piece trying to fit in where it doesn't belong. For he belongs somewhere else.

At another dinner table. Where there's a seat. An empty one. Saved for him even though he hasn't been there in years. But that place belongs to him. Always has, always will.

_it made me miss home._

He still remembers the early days of his marriage. When Sakura would try her best to cook for him. Being the important figure she is, it wasn't easy for her to stay in the kitchen for hours. She was always busy, always needed. But that didn't hinder her enthusiasm. She'd try her best. To the point of over-exerting herself. At times Sasuke wanted to ask her to stop. To tell her it was okay. She didn't need to push herself that far for his sake. But in the end, he decided not to. Because it made her happy. She wanted to give him the comforts of home, the love of family. There once was a time when it baffled him. How she was always there, putting his happiness above her own. Always trying her best to give him everything he wanted, needed. But slowly he came to understand. It was because seeing him happy was her way of finding happiness. Because he, too, was the same. He wanted to make her happy too, to do his best to see her smile. No, he didn't always succeed, but he wanted to. Even years ago, before he lost his path in the darkness, he was ready to throw away everything, his life with his yet unfulfilled goal, for her sake. It's like his former mentor once told him. Love doesn't need a reason. It took him some time but he finally realised. So, instead of trying to stop Sakura, he started to help her. To lighten her burden. Having lived by himself since a young age, it wasn't a big task for him. But it was new. For he wasn't one for luxuries. To him, necessity meant everything. But if Sakura wanted to make three side dishes, he would help her with that even though he himself would be perfectly fine with just one. Because they were family now. The things he wanted and the things she wanted, they had to be combined together. So, he would help when he could. And during moments of mishap, he would eat her overly cooked rice, or salty soups, or slightly burnt fishes without any complaints. For it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she loved him enough to push herself that far in order to make him happy. On his travels, he has at times eaten at several renowned eateries. Famous recipes. But if he could replace them with Sakura's half burnt food because she had to rush to save a patient's life, he'd do that in a heartbeat.

_And I was shocked to see the chief's granddaughter. Last time I was here, she was a toddler. About the same age as Sarada when I left Konoha. Seeing her all grown up, it made me realise Sarada has grown up as well. You did tell me she has, it just hit me today how much._

How many years has it been? She goes to the academy now. She no longer is the little girl he left behind. He recalls getting upset as a little boy when his own father forgot about his academy entrance ceremony. But he himself… what has he done? Sure, Sakura was there with Sarada. But her being there doesn't change the fact that he himself was absent. From so many important events of his daughter's life. Does she despise him for it? He can't blame her even if she does. But Sakura tells him she doesn't. Instead, she is very curious about him. She asks her when he'd be back home. But not like those early days. When she used to pester her mother with her daily list of questions. Back then, by when she used to mean which moment. If her Papa isn't back now, will he be back by evening? But now, by when she means, someday in the distant future. If ever.

_Is she still asking about me? Or has she forgotten already?_

Sakura told him she wears glasses now. What are the things she told Sarada about him? Not much, that's for sure. Because that's what they decided upon. That's what is good for her. The less she knows, the safer she will be. That's how he finds solace. As he feels himself being erased from his only child's memory little by little, he reminds himself that this is for her sake too. That his work secures a safe future for her. Someday, when she's older and he gets to meet her once again, maybe he can explain things to her properly. Maybe she will understand. Or maybe she won't. Maybe she will despise him for leaving her and her mother behind.

Wouldn't it be a great life if he didn't have to?

Getting to wake up next to Sakura every morning, eating food prepared by her, welcomed by her when he returns home, having her by his side when he gets sick, listening to how her day was at work. Things that other husbands are privileged to have, he can't.

And… She is no different. When she returns home late at night, tired after a long day of lending her chakra to other people, her husband isn't there to take care of her. He isn't there to comfort her at her vulnerable moments. Even their daughter, a daughter she is supposed to raise with him, she raises her on her own. Being a front-line medic, a mother, taking care of the household, she does it all on her own.

_How are you? How are things at the hospital? Are you taking proper care of your health?_

Maybe if he didn't have the powers he has, or maybe if Sakura wasn't the great healer needed by the village that she is, they wouldn't have to part.

But with the way things are, he doesn't know another way out. Neither does Sakura. This is what they decided upon together. This is the best they could come up with given their situation.

_I wish I could be with you._

However, he can't. And it frustrates him at times. But he tells himself that this way he can appreciate them better. This way, when he can finally be with them, he will know not to waste a moment. Because he knows how precious those moments are. Besides, he is protecting them too. By staying away, he eradicates potential threats that might harm them in the future. He keeps the world safe from the shadows. And his family is a part of that world. Sasuke knows if needed, he'll give up his life to secure their safety. He found them after years of loneliness, of pain and suffering. Even if there isn't a way for them to always be together, the fact that they are his family won't change. The reason he thinks so is because in the past, his close friend taught him that bonds are what's most important. With them, regardless of the distance, he has a bond. Even if they can't meet everyday, they are an irreplaceable existence in his life.

His most valued treasure.

His family. The place where he belongs. His home…

In the darkness of the night, the flame of the lamp flickers a little as Sasuke keeps filling up the blank sheets of paper with his feelings in the form of black scribbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I named this home because there isn't an equivalent of 居場所 (ibasho) in English. It means a place where one belongs. Home is the closest I could get in English.
> 
> I got the idea while reading Sasuke Retsuden, when Sasuke told Jiji about exchanging letters with Sakura. I started writing this back then. But figured I should wait until I finished Naruto Retsuden in case there was some details. There wasn't too much but I did take the part about him throwing his life away because it'd keep them safe. Also, I used a part from Sasuke Retsuden. I changed it a little to make it about his family here but in the main novel it's about Sakura. It goes like this:
> 
> 'Even if there isn't a ring or whatever, even if there's no way for them to always be together, the fact that Sakura is his wife, his family, won't change. The reason he thinks so is because in the past, his close friend taught him that bonds are what's most important. With Sakura, regardless of the distance, he has a bond. Even if they can't meet everyday, she is his partner who can't be replaced.' (Sasuke Retsuden, Chapter 5, Page 144)
> 
> Whatever, I suck at canon based stories so leave me a review if you can. I've read this so many times in the last three days that I no longer feel anything reading this. It just sounds like gibberish to me at this point.
> 
> Anyway,
> 
> Lots of love,
> 
> June ❤️  
> [20.01.2020]


End file.
